instant communication!

all humans react to stimuli and the stronger the stimulus, the stronger the reaction. and it is interesting to note that this reaction is determined by the stimulus and we have little or no control over it. often management gurus like stephen covey speak of the "stimulus response gap" the SRG, the brief moments when we bring in conciousness to our reactions and become aware of the stimulus, the edfault reaction we are about to give and all accompanying outcomes. in these brief moments, the SRG, we choose our response and this ability to choose our response is what he calls is our "responsibility".



however, this GAP, the SRG is becoming more and more of a challenge given the age of communication we live in. in the earlier days, all remote communication devices somehow provided for the gap quite naturally. for example, telephone lines were fixed. so if i got a call from an angry partner when i was leaving from office and it really disturbed me, it would be some time before i got home and talked to him about it. or if i someone asked me a question as i was leaving home, i would need to reach the office to the call him/her back with my reply. this constraint in communication devices forced a gap of time before i reacted to some communication stimulus. and this gap forced me to think over the situation or the question a little and sub conciously i would "choose my response". however, in these days of mobile communication, stimuli are hitting us ALL the time, continuously, with no respite. and then with no constraints about time or place, we too are responding instantly, almost immediately...poked by the stimulus, triggered by sudden comments, questions and emotions. we no longer take time to "choose our response". as a result, all we do is react and since these reactions are not chosen, they are what is default, or impetuous or emotionally driven. for example, we get an angry sms from a friend, we immediately get upset and send off a reply, triggered by our feelings. our feelings controlling our actions. relationships are created over sms. people feeling something in the moment and not wasting any time communicating that to the person who is the subject of those emotions. people dont realise the impact of the stimulus they are sending to the other and what it can do to the person receiving it. ...at the same time relationshps are breaking faster than you ever imagined..business opportunities opened up and lost all in the blink and miss of instant communication stimuli and reactions.

now i am training myself to wait a while before i pick up the phone to sms my freshly minted thoughts. resisting the temptation to hit reply immediately to every email i get and to hold back from picking up the phone to express every thought that tkes birth in my head. instead, i am trying to take a gap, a deliberate attempt at slowing down myself and thinking about whether that communication is essential, what would be the impact of that and then choosing my stimuli and response more carefully. some may think that this may kill spontaneity in communication and make me manipulative. but i have noo such fears coz i have no illusions of being successful at all my SRG attempts...the SRG IS DEAD! LONG LIVE THE SRG! here's to all thos leaks in the SRG and those few cracks where my emotions and spontaneity will get the better of me :)

So much to do and so little time!

The other day, a taxi driver took a left from a petrol pump site where I was filling fuel in my car, avoiding the red signal. The traffic cop caught him and asked him why he did that. The driver answered that the signal was very long, all of two full minutes and that he didn’t want to wait. At that point, the cop asked a very pertinent question. “So if you save those two minutes, what do you plan to do with that time?” the driver just smiled and drove on but it set me thinking real hard....often we have the refrain, i am not reading enough, not exercising adequately, not meeting friends as much as I’d like to, not spending time with the family like I long to...all because “i have no time”. But the question is, if i had more time, do i know what i would do with it? Fact is, there are so many things that I dream of doing and when I think of it, I don’t know where to start! I feel overwhelmed and frustrated and I find myself getting overwhelmed rather often 
So much to do and so little time is a mind binder. It binds the mind into feeling trapped, helpless and perpetually tired. Fact is, it’s not about whether we have the time to do things, it’s how badly do you want to do them. Do you want them with a compelling desire, a hunger, a need? Or are they things we would like to think about doing  more often than not, Ii find that all the things that we say we don’t have time to do are things we have just casually thought of doing or thought of doing because it makes us feel good about wanting to do those things. We haven’t really processed the benefits of doing them and haven’t really got deep into visualizing what we’re missing by not doing them. Once this causal wish to do something gets translated into a strong need, a burning desire, there arises an impatience that’s uncontrollable. THEN we find the time to do them. We make the time to do them. But wait, once we have stirred up those passions and desires, then prepare and get ready to do them. If there’s a book you’ve decided you want to read, then buy it or borrow it, keep it with you at all times, you never know when and where you get a window of time opening up ...waiting for an appointment at the doctor, lounging at the airport, sitting at a pedicure, you can never tell! If there’s a friend you’ve been dying to meet, call him, ask when he is available and plan a time to meet him or her in advance. Else Sunday prevails on you, you have the time, you call him but he has already stepped out. Then you find yourself with another meaningless Sunday wasted.
Knowing what you want your time for and wanting that very badly and then being ready for it all when the time presents itself, will enrich our lives, slowly filing up all the gaps one important desire after another. So the next time I wish I had more time, I shall think what I want it for, and then want it VERY BADLY 

some bonds...am sure you have experienced this...i have!

There must be some explanation
For some bonds that we form
In minutes, days and hours
Connections invisible but firm

Of all the thousands of people
we meet from day to day
why should it be only one or two
to whom our thoughts should stray

why do our minds pick up
only a couple of frequencies
and our bodies just react
to those few chemistries

its strange how we get to know
within minutes that we meet
somehow that here’s a person
i just know i’m going to meet again

and sure enough and soon too
we end up meeting them once more
in strange places, unexpected ways
just like i’d been so sure 

and when we do, it doesn’t take much
to pick up where we left off
the very same comfort, the easy laugh
a bond you can almost touch

just what could be that connection
i don’t care to explain
its just enough to know
in you i’ve found a friend :)

its dangerous!

remote communication is a very dangerous addiction...it draws you out not letting you rest. making you talk and listen, write and read all time. not giving you time to reflect and be silent. i refer more to the communication with others. writing email, sending text messages, tweeting all of it trying to tell other people about your thoughts. all of it waiting for responses from others. extreme dependency on others for acknowledgement, results, wishes granted, emotions received. its a terrible kind of dependency that can debilitate. much of it is also not face to face or even voice communication. it is written and sent communication. the kind where people don't have to reveal who they are, where people can phrase their sentences with deliberation and carefully edit what they want to say, successfully masking their true thoughts and feelings, also remotely, one can be a very different person. writing things he or she would never say in person. partly because they are shy to actually say those things or partly because it is a safe way to say things that are inauthentic without being caught out. also written communication has gaps between sending and receiving comunication, these gaps are very stressful gaps. gaps of waiting for responses, waiting to see what the other person feels about what i wrote. awaiting their approval or positive response. that waiting can be very anxiety ridden. first whether or not the other persons would respond and then in what way. this waiting period destroys all those moments in between where you are distracted from what you ought to be focusing on. wondering about the mail you are awaiting or the message tone on yor phone to ring. all the other things you are meant to be doing are done half heartedly because your mind is waiting for the response to your communication. this is tiring and stressful. so cut down remote communciation, either pick up the phone and talk authentically or meet the person and communciate. take away the waiting and uncertainty and fakeness from communication and return to what comunication is meant to do...facilitate life not destroy it.